Two events, one marking my beginning and the other my end, perfectly fit this description. They can be said to be part of the human condition (that means every individual shares them with the rest of humanity). First, one's birth. We celebrate someone's birthday because that's an event in time when a person was brought into the world. This, obviously, is not something that one chooses. I can't even say that this "happened" to me since I was not there yet, there was no "I" to say "Ah, I'm being born now." After your birth it will take a while for you to distinguish yourself from others and even to say I or your name (and even your name is not yours to choose). My birth is likewise closely connected to another event that I have no power over and yet concerns me in the most intimate of ways: death.

The German philosopher Heidegger says one is being toward death, which is a way of saying that one is already dying from the very first moment of one's existence. I think it's something we instinctively know or feel and yet it's a fact that we try to forget and cover up as much as possible (by means of forbidding "morbid talk," using anti-aging beauty products, performing "death-defying" stunts, or doing extreme sports in order to "feel alive"). This is quite understandable since while we are all going to die, we don't know exactly when, where, and how. The whole thing is shrouded in mystery and that is rather frightful. Death will come like a thief in the night, unannounced and unwanted.

We do not choose our beginning and end. How about the things, events, persons in between? The things that shape me in the most basic way are not of my own choosing. Where I'm born, the parents I have and the way I'm raised, my skin color, the religion I'm introduced to (or the lack thereof), the schools I attend, the culture and people that teach me its ways—all these I simply receive. There's more. Aging is something I may in some way conceal but never keep from happening. Our friends and family may change, relocate, or pass away and we can do little to stop these from happening. And even if I carefully plan every detail of my life and the paths that it will take, "life happens"—often it seems, without regard for my goals and projects. This fact has been widely recognized and the ancient Greeks have a notion that accounts for it: fate. Every man submits to it and has his unavoidable lot. Believers, on the other hand, have spoken of Divine Providence or God's will setting out a plan and working in mysterious ways in history for our own (not always evident) good.

So it seems that from the cradle to the grave we have very little control over things. We began without choosing to and we will end without wanting to. We receive particular features that may be our fortune or misery and our best laid plans can always be thwarted by forces beyond our comprehension and control.

Is there anything that is in our hands? Two things come to my mind: our attitude towards the situation we find ourselves in and the way we treat others. We can try to make sense of the mystery of receiving life and of departing from it; it's our choice to uncritically accept received culture and convictions or step back and reflect on them; it's up to us to either accept misfortunes and injustices with resignation or struggle to improve our conditions. Moreover, one can strive to treat one's family and friends with kindness and respect, while keeping in mind that small acts of goodness (a smile, a kind word) to strangers go a long way. One may never be in total control of one's existence and all the complex realities therein, but one can always strive to be good.